a little inspiration!

FEAR OF TRANSFORMATION
From The Essene Book of Days by Danaan Parry


Sometimes I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I'm either hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments in my life, I'm hurtling across space in between trapeze bars.

Most of the time, I spend my life hanging on for dear life to my trapeze-bar-of-the-moment. It carries me along a certain steady rate of swing and I have the feeling that I'm in control of my life. I know most of the right questions and even some of the right answers. But once in a while, as I'm merrily (or not so merrily) swinging along, I look ahead of me into the distance, and what do I see? I see another trapeze bar swinging toward me. It's empty, and I know, in that place that knows, that this new trapeze bar has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness going to get me. In my heart-of-hearts I know that for me to grow, I must release my grip on the present, well known bar to move to the new one.

Each time it happens to me, I hope (no, I pray) that I won't have to grab the new one. But in my knowing place I know that I must totally release my grasp on my old bar, and for some moment in time hurtle across space before I can grab onto the new bar. Each time I am filled with terror. It doesn't matter that in all my previous hurtles across the void of unknowing, I have always made it. Each time I am afraid I will miss, that I will be crushed on the unseen rocks in the bottomless chasm between the bars. But I do it anyway. Perhaps this is the essence of what the mystics call the faith experience. No guarantees, no net, no insurance policy, but you do it anyway because somehow, to keep hanging onto that old bar is no longer on the list of alternatives. And so for an eternity that can last a microsecond or a thousand lifetimes, I soar across the dark void of "the past is gone, the future is not yet here." It's called transition. I have come to believe that it is the only place that real change occurs. I mean real change, not the pseudo-change that only lasts until the next time my old buttons get punched.

I have noticed that, in our culture, this transition zone is looked upon as a "no-thing", a no-place between places. Sure the old trapeze-bar was real, and that new one coming towards me, I hope that's real too. But the void in between? That's just a scary, confusing, disorienting "nowhere" that must be gotten through as fast as unconsciously as possible. What a waste! I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing, and the bars are illusions we dream up to avoid, where the real change, the real growth occurs for us. Whether or not my hunch is true, it remains that the transition zones in our lives are incredibly rich places. They should be honored, even savored. Yes, with all the pain and fear and feelings of being out-of-control that can (but not necessarily) accompany transitions, they are still the most alive, most growth-filled, passionate, expansive moments in our lives.

And so, transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather with giving ourselves permission to "hang- out" in the transition between trapeze bars. Transforming our need to grab that new bar, any bar, is allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really happens. It can be terrifying. It can also be enlightening, in the true sense of the word. Hurtling through the void, we just may learn how to fly.

Its that time again.. no its not next month

So here it is!! Hoping the next 20 posts will be inspiring! At least to me!!

snow, sick people.. and fuax (host)ess cupcakes.

Today we had our first snow fall. I felt like such a good mommy as I made sure Susan had on her rain boots and little rain coat. Its moments like these, that I know she may not understand how fortunate she is, and how there are many kids today that did have a rain coat and boots to keep them warm and dry. Sometimes I still struggle to be so different from my own mother and the upbringing I did not receive, for what ever reasons. But instead of a constant comparison, I just felt proud of the person I was able to become. And glad that it included my daughter being well taken care of.

After I dropped her off to school I came back home. Jerami stayed with Natalie since he is home sick from work today. I am really hoping its not swine flu. Not that I really have a valid reason to think it is, but these days you never know. While he was resting Natalie and I made cupcakes. Susan has told her that while she is busy at school that we should be busy making her treats for when she gets home. Her birthday is coming up and I needed to try out the recipe so I can bring them in for school.

Our school is nut free, and we have a friend that is dairy free. This works fine since I am still trying to be true to the "vegan thing" I have to be honest. I haven't been 100 percent loyal. (that's probably the reason you havent seen me lately.)

So here they are, I made mini cupcakes from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World, the cake itself is just the basic chocolate.. the icing and swirls are from the hostess remakes.. no filling though.. I mean I only had to much time before she got back from school!

I am excited to say that I will be trying my very own recipe for lara bars.. this will be the first time in my vegan baking history that I am going to.. so to say "wing it" and make something not 100% out of a cook book. I am trying to gear up for VeganMofo.. and work toward my own healthier food choices. For now its one recipe.. and maybe that is all it will be, but its a start!!

I'd like to call this post "immature"

What I am really talking about though, is young coconuts. Have you had one before. I saw someone from the raw community loving it.. so I bought one at the store today.

All I want to know is, what was wrong with mine? I got it open with only a little bit of trouble, but now that I have done it I know how with confidence.

But will I have it again? Mine was really yucky. I even added carob powder and a little splenda.. eek. I mixed up the coconut water and the meat/jelly and blended all I listed above.

People actually drink this water straight out of the coconut? Is this something you either love or hate?

I hope you'll post and that it will give me hope. Hope enough to try again.. with better recipes or maybe knowing if I didnt pick a good one. All I read is not to eat them if they are even a little pink. Mine was bright white.. and not very good.

Sorry for a negative post. This is just my opinion, and I usually like just about everything. Okay swiss chard and I dont mix either.. but that is another post!

What do you mean where have I been?

Here is a new post with a new recipe!

Yeah yeah its september already I was really trying to hold it together since last years VeganMofo and I cant believe I lost a whole month with no post.

The truth is, I havent had much to post about. And I got a new camera for our anniversary and got sucked into scrapbooking.. which has been great.

Now that I have like oh... 1,000 pictures that will need to be printed out maybe I have a little time to get back to this.

How has your summer been? We are starting to enjoy cool weather, and my garden is just about done. Maybe four more zucchini and about 30 tomatoes and it will be time to plant cold weather vegetables like turnips.. not sure what else I will plant.. we get snow starting at the end of next month!!

School has started, and after I get a little practice I will start to post what I am sending in the lunch box for Susan's snack. She eats lunch before school so I have not been going all out on a snack!

Here is a recipe I found when googling the words "raw" and "tomato" I lucked out because it also used zuccini.

Havent tasted it yet, and will tell you how it all goes. All the credit goes to rawmazing.com and here is the recipe!

Tomato Napoleon with Basil Cashew Cheese and Basil Oil

For each Napoleon you will need:

1 small tomato

2 slices zucchini (the same size as the tomato)

Basil Cashew Cheese Spread

Basil Oil

Cut the tomato in thirds. Form a patty of the Cashew Cheese the same size as the tomato slice. Layer tomato slice, zucchini and cheese, repeat. Drizzle basil Oil over top. You can also add balsamic vinegar (highly recommended).

Basil Cashew Cheese Spread

1 C Cashews, soaked at least 1 hour

2 T. Lemon Juice

1 Clove Garlic

Pinch Salt

1 C basil leaves

Start food processor. Drop clove of garlic into processor and run until garlic is chopped. Add cashews, lemon juice and salt. Place all ingredients except basil in food processor and process until smooth (it will be a little grainy). Add basil and pulse until basil is chopped up and combined into cheese.

Basil Oil

Finely chop 4 T basil and add to 1/4 C oil

what's on the menu

We have this new store in town called the sunshine farmers market. They have the most reasonable prices even compared to our commissary for produce. I am in a phase where I am not eating meat or starches.. starches being the new 86'ed item, but its just for a while.

I was able to buy a TON of stuff for only 35 bucks!!

Anyhow I found lobster mushrooms and cant wait to build a meal around them.

Our garden is doing well, I picked a handful of peas this morning and the radishes are all finished producing. There have been four zucchini and that was just the time through.

My rhubarb is not doing well. It hasnt gotten any taller and the once giant patch that I gave some stalks away from hasnt bounced back yet. I think its the baby bird that took of residence for a while and left behind some little notes.

All in all, I am looking forward for the next two weeks when the cucumber and the tomatoes (which I am just waiting for them to turn red) can be enjoyed.

Still in the market for a camera... sorry no picks today. Hope everyone has a great week!

Back again!

So...

Its been a little busy. We bought a house, painted it, moved our furniture in, revived the lawn, plated our garden, had a birthday party, had reconstructive surgery, went on vacation, and finally made it back home again.

It was so good to see the beach again. I think its been three years!

Anyhow. Hopefully you havent thought me for the bermuda triangle or something. As many drastic changes outside there have been amazing things going on inside!

But there will be time for that later.

Here is what I am looking at today.

As we speak I am making wonderful Vegan french toast. I think the recipe is in Veganomicon. My book hates me, it keeps hiding and I can only find it when I am looking for other things not related to cooking.

Thankfully some blogger out there had it and I could make it. I like the chickpea flour, corn starch, and vanilla soy milk recipe. I will try to post it, so that at least I can find it again next time.

I am going to put up a picture of my garden, since that is what this blog was mostly about.. kinda.. and hopefully get back into the swing of it all.

Plus there is a new cookbook out that I am wanting to dive into and hey wont it be Vegan Month of Food again soon!!!!

Hello to all and I cant wait to see what youve been up to this summer!

Mel

Here is the side view of the peas and the cucumbers. We have radishes between the tomatoes and that pretty much (with next picture) is our garden!!
Here is a view of the tomatoes in the back you might be able to make out the row of peas, and closest to you is our squash and the trellis for our cucumbers.. I might move it for the peas instead...

welcome home

Today we bought our new house!! Yay! I feel so excited and want to bring everything over and stat living there now.. and yet when I go to pack I think "what to take this time.....?"

Its all a bit much to try and write. But I didnt want to miss the mile marker. 

:)

the love of food is back

So...

you cant imagine how incredibly hungry I have been, as I try to navigate through what I can eat and what will give me terrible pain...

So tonight I went back to the basics of picking a recipe and giving it a try.

If you remember I tried to make seitan and it was HORRIBLE. I mean, its bad enough I dont really like tofu all that much (I do have 2 recipes I love) but now "wheat meat too?"

Well, tonight I made the chickpea cutlets from Veganomicon. They are so FABULOUS I love them. I mean really they are so very very delicious :)

I will post picks but I just had to say that I am so glad I found something to get excited about and it was food related.

Even the girls really liked it.. though Susan had to give it a second bite to decide for sure.

so.. anyhow I think I am BACK.. so here is hoping so at least!!

tummy response

Dear Melanie,

Thank you for the letter. The truth is the very first sentence in your letter was the biggest key to your issues. You see, there is this strange little sore inside of here. All of those lemons just seemed to make it angry and then it started to act up.

I think after a few more tests you can see what I am talking about, and find out what you need to do.

Does this mean we wont be vegan anymore?

rumbly tumbly

Dear tummy

Dear tummy, 

two weeks ago we started this fantastic liver cleanse in the mornings, warm water and half a lemon squeezed into to. With a spring in my step and a load off my body (hee hee) the days were starting out good.

Fruit for breakfast and a piece of bread with almond butter as snack.. you seemed so content and satisfied.

Then came the wonderful salads for lunch that made panera vegan envious. and the snacks of red bell peppers and carrot sticks with hummus seemed certain to please.

And now.. it is day two of this awful rebellion.. 

You woke me at 530 am yesterday, with pain and a train going through my system.. since I ended my cleanse. When the pain was intolerable, you made me pass out and wake up on the bathroom floor wondering "how did I get here?"

Now.. I must face the inskilled, overbooked doctors at the base clinic and here it is 5 am and you are giving me grief. Dont you know I cant make an appt until 730?

Dreams of yummy food filled my mind while applesauce and bananas and gatorade filled my growling tummy.

Why must you treat me this way!!!

signed,

disgruntled intestinal track owner

lazy days

Just checking in for the week. I have the chance to teach a friend about vegan lifestyle and particular getting more protein in her diet. She isnt vegan but her diet lacks variety. One of the great things about my lifestyle is it never has to be boring. I let it get that way, but I think we all have our ruts we get in.

Tonight we are just making a pasta dish, but I hope to have some good posts, reminiscent of vegan mofo's consistent posts.

Sweet dreams :)

While we were out snowboarding the kids went to the snowmobiles.
Here we are with the girls after ice skating for a few hours. 
This is frosty, they were doing a movie of some kind and asked us to skate around with frosty.
But instead while frosty was skating backwards and Jerami was spinning the girls on the sled... Frosty got tripped up!
And here I am.. yes doesnt this look graceful? I fell 2 seconds later!! :) 

We forgot to bring cameras during the snowboarding. But it really happened! I was able to get up on the board, not heel side like I tried last time.. but toeside instead. We went for about six hours or so while the kids were off snowmobiling with the grandparents. I had to snowboard backwards most of the time.. which I was totally fine with, I just couldnt seem to get control while going down faced forward. I started to feel that my shoes were too small, and I ended up walking down one of the longer runs.. Maybe I walke 1.5 to 2 miles? I did however stop and sit down when there was a pretty spot to enjoy the view.

We had a great trip, and some friends came out to ski while we were snow boarding. What a fun weekend! Hope you enjoyed the pictures, I found my camera!!! yay!

Where did I put my camera??

I just have to gush for a minute about VeganDad. We had his winter vegetable pot pie, and this is our third time this year to have it!! I really am so impressed with his blog and the hard work he is doing making great food. I dont have the culinary ambitions that he has, but I hope to add a good collection of wonderful recipes like his to my great endeavor of cooking for the kids.
did that make sense? It IS 630 am as I write this!!!
Anyway I cant find my camera. If you know me, then you will know that in one word FLAKE describes me best. My best friend from college says my life quote is "where is MINE" since I am always losing things... ha ha ha ha
(maybe its also cause I am a little spoiled hee hee)
So today our weather is FREEZING.. yesterday though it was 12 degrees we had a wind factor of -9!
We are heading to a place called poor richards, that has a play area, coffee shop, and toy store all rolled together. Susan has been trying to spend the money in her piggy bank... so here is the chance. Its supposed to have some great vegan options, and I am feeling a bit adventurous.
This weekend we are going to Keystone and I am hoping to get up "heelside" on the snow board, I had such a hard time on that last time..
But most of all today I want to BEG you to read.. please please please... go get "the time traveler's wife" by Audrey Niffenegger.
I read it and wanted to see if she has written anything else, and when I googled it I saw they are making a movie out of it.
I think it will be like the notebook, and not just because Rachel is playing the leading woman!!
If you have read it, will you let me know what you thought??
I am still suffering from time travel envy.. lol

Where have you been?

You know, I want to say.. though I may not be posting much, I do still enjoy reading your blogs! Thanks for the kind nudge to get back.
So what is new?
Well, I am 29! Yes this really is the first time being 29 and I dont feel so old that want to "be 29 again, next year."
But I did however wake up with a horrible viral thing that made me think I was on the fast track to being ninety. I had sore joints all over and a weird rash on my joints. Luckily they blasted me with prednizone for five days and I feel better.
What else is new? Well I am glad you ask... I got my cholesterol down to 170... from 205 in July. I worked really hard, you know.. making great vegan meals and cupcakes.. it was such an effort, I cant imagine how anyone could live like this.. okay so I am kidding!! Anyone could choose to live like this.
Now, its not ALL pretty here. I did try to make a seitan loaf and it was a big flop! I dont know if I did something wrong, but I know I didnt follow vegan dad's way... so I am not giving up yet.
So now I am trying to figure out what to do next. And that is why I am quiet. I am sorry. I am looking into lots of books, on arthritis, on heart disease and on cancer. All things that are in my family and I am predisposed to. I feel like after giving my cholesterol the old 1-2-punch, that I want to tackle other things.
We are also looking at maybe getting a house, and I dont know if I will blog about that... I guess it does go along with how we are growing.
Lastly, I want to say that I got a cute pair of peacock earrings that I saw on a fantastic blog I LOVE. It makes me feel a little bit connected even though I know I have been in hiding.
So here is to "more to come".

If you want help with your cholesterol with out living off cheerios I would love to help. Even if you do still occasionally eat meat, I would love to help!!