Spring... springing back and forth between winter!

Tonight we set our clocks forward an hour. Secretly I have been changing the time over the last few days and making the kids go to bead earlier in hopes to get them on the new schedule. I havent done this for myself though.. so it will be a system shock all week! Its okay though.

We have had some nice weather and my crocuses (sp?) are popping out. I can hardly wait to see what we will have in our flower beds and gardens this year. I wonder if my rhubarb will truly come back like its supposed to, and the same for my strawberries but the hope of a real bounty instead of the 4 that grew last year.

I am learning a lot about friendship right now. It seems that I make a friend and then for six months we seem joined at the hip.. and then one or both of us get busy and weeks go by. i still have one faithful friend that leaves me voicemail messages and tries to connect. It makes my heart feel good. But I am also a little saddened that one of my recent friends is just going through such a hard time that its hard for her to keep talking about the fact that things are still hard.

I know that I am talking about something that is personal and not giving details... but I struggle sometimes with the people God puts in my path and how long they are there. Unless we have a tight bond and need for babysitting life just gets so busy that friendships end up like plants you havent watered for a while.

So, as I think of spring and plants and the analogy of dying house plants and friendships.. I hope that with each new day there is a little more growth in all areas and wonderful blessings to reap.

It is what it is.

So I am not sure who my viewers might be, but in this moment I am just going to take some time and talk about life.

Life is a funny thing. Mostly becuase its a good idea to have a sense of humor when going through it. I cant believe its only two months into this year, so much life has happened.

Since you've seen me post last for example, I was a temporary foster parent. I would rather not go in depth about the situation, but I am so thankful for friendships and knowing in my heart that when a friend that I love had a need, we expressed our love and reached out. I am truly grateful to my friend and will always feel that she does more for me than I can repay and have learned so much through that situation. Oh and like I said it was temporary, everything worked out. Also... I turned 30! I know I know.. we are moving right along.

I found my half sister, and was trying to get the fund together to do a test. But while all that was happening, I learned that she is so happy with her life. I learned that my news was really just a disturbance in the flow of things and almost feel like I am going to just move on and let it go. Plus its not happening for me to make the test possible right now. So while I am so impressed with the woman that she is, and delighted by both the things we have in common and the way we differ.. I am at this point going to let things be. Food blog. Where did that go? I felt that as I was transitioning back into certain foods and not 100% vegan that I couldnt post the food or talk about it. It felt unfair. I do still make quite a few things, but my family never really transitioned into it and I dont know that we will ever be 100%. I do understand what that means, I do still think vegan is the healthiest and that I am contributing to an animals demise. But since I am kinda on the fence I am going to play the card that says "I will be pro active to make changes to the best of my ability, both for my family and for the world I live in and care about". If I have lost you because I am not "hard core" than I would rather lose you than offend you. If your still here, than I think this blog will start to evolve. It will always be a place for my family and life and what we are growing and learning.. so I think this is just a natural flow. Or its an extreme and spontaneous change.. all in all thats still me too.

So I am taking the blog back, making no promise to normalcy or routine... and hoping to be more active and accountable to those that seem to find my ramblings interesting enough.

Mel

a little inspiration!

FEAR OF TRANSFORMATION
From The Essene Book of Days by Danaan Parry


Sometimes I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I'm either hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments in my life, I'm hurtling across space in between trapeze bars.

Most of the time, I spend my life hanging on for dear life to my trapeze-bar-of-the-moment. It carries me along a certain steady rate of swing and I have the feeling that I'm in control of my life. I know most of the right questions and even some of the right answers. But once in a while, as I'm merrily (or not so merrily) swinging along, I look ahead of me into the distance, and what do I see? I see another trapeze bar swinging toward me. It's empty, and I know, in that place that knows, that this new trapeze bar has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness going to get me. In my heart-of-hearts I know that for me to grow, I must release my grip on the present, well known bar to move to the new one.

Each time it happens to me, I hope (no, I pray) that I won't have to grab the new one. But in my knowing place I know that I must totally release my grasp on my old bar, and for some moment in time hurtle across space before I can grab onto the new bar. Each time I am filled with terror. It doesn't matter that in all my previous hurtles across the void of unknowing, I have always made it. Each time I am afraid I will miss, that I will be crushed on the unseen rocks in the bottomless chasm between the bars. But I do it anyway. Perhaps this is the essence of what the mystics call the faith experience. No guarantees, no net, no insurance policy, but you do it anyway because somehow, to keep hanging onto that old bar is no longer on the list of alternatives. And so for an eternity that can last a microsecond or a thousand lifetimes, I soar across the dark void of "the past is gone, the future is not yet here." It's called transition. I have come to believe that it is the only place that real change occurs. I mean real change, not the pseudo-change that only lasts until the next time my old buttons get punched.

I have noticed that, in our culture, this transition zone is looked upon as a "no-thing", a no-place between places. Sure the old trapeze-bar was real, and that new one coming towards me, I hope that's real too. But the void in between? That's just a scary, confusing, disorienting "nowhere" that must be gotten through as fast as unconsciously as possible. What a waste! I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing, and the bars are illusions we dream up to avoid, where the real change, the real growth occurs for us. Whether or not my hunch is true, it remains that the transition zones in our lives are incredibly rich places. They should be honored, even savored. Yes, with all the pain and fear and feelings of being out-of-control that can (but not necessarily) accompany transitions, they are still the most alive, most growth-filled, passionate, expansive moments in our lives.

And so, transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather with giving ourselves permission to "hang- out" in the transition between trapeze bars. Transforming our need to grab that new bar, any bar, is allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really happens. It can be terrifying. It can also be enlightening, in the true sense of the word. Hurtling through the void, we just may learn how to fly.

Its that time again.. no its not next month

So here it is!! Hoping the next 20 posts will be inspiring! At least to me!!

snow, sick people.. and fuax (host)ess cupcakes.

Today we had our first snow fall. I felt like such a good mommy as I made sure Susan had on her rain boots and little rain coat. Its moments like these, that I know she may not understand how fortunate she is, and how there are many kids today that did have a rain coat and boots to keep them warm and dry. Sometimes I still struggle to be so different from my own mother and the upbringing I did not receive, for what ever reasons. But instead of a constant comparison, I just felt proud of the person I was able to become. And glad that it included my daughter being well taken care of.

After I dropped her off to school I came back home. Jerami stayed with Natalie since he is home sick from work today. I am really hoping its not swine flu. Not that I really have a valid reason to think it is, but these days you never know. While he was resting Natalie and I made cupcakes. Susan has told her that while she is busy at school that we should be busy making her treats for when she gets home. Her birthday is coming up and I needed to try out the recipe so I can bring them in for school.

Our school is nut free, and we have a friend that is dairy free. This works fine since I am still trying to be true to the "vegan thing" I have to be honest. I haven't been 100 percent loyal. (that's probably the reason you havent seen me lately.)

So here they are, I made mini cupcakes from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World, the cake itself is just the basic chocolate.. the icing and swirls are from the hostess remakes.. no filling though.. I mean I only had to much time before she got back from school!

I am excited to say that I will be trying my very own recipe for lara bars.. this will be the first time in my vegan baking history that I am going to.. so to say "wing it" and make something not 100% out of a cook book. I am trying to gear up for VeganMofo.. and work toward my own healthier food choices. For now its one recipe.. and maybe that is all it will be, but its a start!!

I'd like to call this post "immature"

What I am really talking about though, is young coconuts. Have you had one before. I saw someone from the raw community loving it.. so I bought one at the store today.

All I want to know is, what was wrong with mine? I got it open with only a little bit of trouble, but now that I have done it I know how with confidence.

But will I have it again? Mine was really yucky. I even added carob powder and a little splenda.. eek. I mixed up the coconut water and the meat/jelly and blended all I listed above.

People actually drink this water straight out of the coconut? Is this something you either love or hate?

I hope you'll post and that it will give me hope. Hope enough to try again.. with better recipes or maybe knowing if I didnt pick a good one. All I read is not to eat them if they are even a little pink. Mine was bright white.. and not very good.

Sorry for a negative post. This is just my opinion, and I usually like just about everything. Okay swiss chard and I dont mix either.. but that is another post!

What do you mean where have I been?

Here is a new post with a new recipe!

Yeah yeah its september already I was really trying to hold it together since last years VeganMofo and I cant believe I lost a whole month with no post.

The truth is, I havent had much to post about. And I got a new camera for our anniversary and got sucked into scrapbooking.. which has been great.

Now that I have like oh... 1,000 pictures that will need to be printed out maybe I have a little time to get back to this.

How has your summer been? We are starting to enjoy cool weather, and my garden is just about done. Maybe four more zucchini and about 30 tomatoes and it will be time to plant cold weather vegetables like turnips.. not sure what else I will plant.. we get snow starting at the end of next month!!

School has started, and after I get a little practice I will start to post what I am sending in the lunch box for Susan's snack. She eats lunch before school so I have not been going all out on a snack!

Here is a recipe I found when googling the words "raw" and "tomato" I lucked out because it also used zuccini.

Havent tasted it yet, and will tell you how it all goes. All the credit goes to rawmazing.com and here is the recipe!

Tomato Napoleon with Basil Cashew Cheese and Basil Oil

For each Napoleon you will need:

1 small tomato

2 slices zucchini (the same size as the tomato)

Basil Cashew Cheese Spread

Basil Oil

Cut the tomato in thirds. Form a patty of the Cashew Cheese the same size as the tomato slice. Layer tomato slice, zucchini and cheese, repeat. Drizzle basil Oil over top. You can also add balsamic vinegar (highly recommended).

Basil Cashew Cheese Spread

1 C Cashews, soaked at least 1 hour

2 T. Lemon Juice

1 Clove Garlic

Pinch Salt

1 C basil leaves

Start food processor. Drop clove of garlic into processor and run until garlic is chopped. Add cashews, lemon juice and salt. Place all ingredients except basil in food processor and process until smooth (it will be a little grainy). Add basil and pulse until basil is chopped up and combined into cheese.

Basil Oil

Finely chop 4 T basil and add to 1/4 C oil